Tales of the Customer Crazies: Volume One

Me: Then what’s the problem?

Irate Customer: This bug! Haven’t you been listening? It’s a showstopper for us.

Me: So you’re not happy with your version?

Irate Customer: I’m not happy that they won’t fix it!

Me: But it is fixed; in the latest release.

Irate Customer: But I don’t want to upgrade!

Me: I’m not sure I understand what you expect to happen here.

Irate Customer: I want them to fix it in my version. They told me they would support up to two versions back; well I’m only one version back and they aren’t supporting me!

Me: I think we are supporting you, ma’am, but we can’t backport every bugfix into previous versions. At some point the software becomes different enough to be called a new version. We do provide upgrades for free, you know.

Irate Customer: Why do you people keep telling me to upgrade? I don’t want to upgrade! I shouldn’t have to upgrade! Fixes should happen on all versions! Can’t you see that?

Me: Ma’am, have you ever used software before?

Irate Customer: It doesn’t matter. I didn’t call to talk to you, I called to talk to a manager. Get me a manager.

Me: You know, the manager is going to need to know that ticket number…

Irate Customer: They already know about my issue.

Me: I wonder if this plastic fork on my desk is sturdy enough to pierce my carotid artery?

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